{"id":244,"date":"2023-07-27T15:18:07","date_gmt":"2023-07-27T15:18:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/?page_id=244"},"modified":"2023-07-27T15:18:07","modified_gmt":"2023-07-27T15:18:07","slug":"my-primate-house","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/?page_id=244","title":{"rendered":"My Primate House"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 When I was an intern at a zoo early in my career, we had time to kill on the weekends, so a few of us opted for the resume-boosting \u201cextra assignment\u201d in another area of the zoo.\u00a0 My intern rotations during the week were in the Reptile House and Education.\u00a0 That meant I spent my mornings changing filthy snake newspaper bedding and plucking baby boa teeth out of my fingers. After lunch, I occupied my afternoons creating flyers and brochures for new Spring programs I would never teach.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Good experience, to be sure, but I saw how a few extra rotations in other areas of the zoo might help me gain small amounts of experience attractive to other zoos in the future.\u00a0 One of my \u201cextra\u201d areas was a rainforest exhibit; a cutting-edge exhibit displaying animals from the rainforests of Africa, Southeast Asia and South America.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 In the African section lived a group of animals called Bonobos.\u00a0 Odds are, most people have never heard of Bonobos, also known as Pygmy Chimpanzees, despite the fact that Bonobos share 99% of our human DNA, and one particular habit to which we would all aspire: they settle all disputes with sex.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 A fight between members of the troop?\u00a0 Have some sex.\u00a0 A quarrel with a mate over food?\u00a0 Settle it with sex.\u00a0 This all seems nice, until you realize that some of the members of your troop are your <\/span>own<\/span><\/i> family members, placing you in the awkward position (literally and figuratively) of settling disagreements with your children and your parents\u2026need I say more?\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Doing keeper work behind the scenes isn\u2019t all playing with animals and making diets.\u00a0 In fact, it is precisely <\/span>none<\/i><\/b> of the former, and only some of the latter.\u00a0 Most of a keeper\u2019s daily work involves cleaning up after animals.\u00a0 Our household pets require a devotion to cleaning up messes\u2013enter the brigade of dog-walkers, leash on one hand, plastic bag in the other.\u00a0 Care of higher-order primates, like Bonobos, is a different story.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Bonobos, along with common DNA, also have a near-human brain capacity, meaning they need many of the distractions\/entertainments we humans require or they will resort to base animal behaviors.\u00a0 Outside, on exhibit, Bonobos can play in the trees, forage for food, chase, sleep and lounge about, living the zoo life.\u00a0 Inside, where most animals\u2019 holding spaces are tile and concrete\u2013a bathroom without the bathtub and toilet\u2013they need to find other activities.\u00a0 The definite lack of a toilet, and proper toilet training, leads to some other interesting activities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>Keepers do their best to keep the lives of Bonobos enriched. They load puzzle boxes and treat mazes, activities to fill the long hours when the zoo is closed and there is no people-watching to do.\u00a0 But animals can always satisfy certain basic cravings when alone.\u00a0 For people, we prefer not to consider the possibilities.\u00a0 For Bonobos, this consists of what you might call \u201cfinger painting.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Though Bonobos are intelligent enough to learn how to use toilets, leaving them access to a lavatory facility could result in potential disaster: a flooded exhibit, a destroyed toilet, a porcelain shiv enmeshed in the eye socket of the low-man-out and an exhibit full of primates looking the other way.\u00a0 Therefore, Bonobos are free to paint using that age-old recipe for artistic success: one-part feces and four parts, well, shit.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 When I arrived at my extra assignment that first Saturday, I was surprised to hear the keepers joking about the beautiful paintings the Bonobos would do each night.\u00a0 When I saw the paintings I too found them amusing.\u00a0 At least until I had to don a full rain suit and face mask, then use a power washer to clean.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 How the Bonobos were able to get fecal smears into the upper corners of the holding area was a mystery to everyone.\u00a0 There were no ropes, branches or shelves anywhere near the ceiling (for just this reason.)\u00a0 Yet somehow, they would get full finger streaks into all the crevices of the exhibit.\u00a0 Some mornings you would be gifted a collage of handprints on the glass, as one might see at a preschool.\u00a0 Just with slightly different materials.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Other days, there were clear impact points as though there had been epic \u201csnowball\u201d fights.\u00a0 Yet the Bonobos were distinctly devoid of markings.\u00a0 Spotless and unsullied.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 I cleaned the holding area with a mix of marvel and disgust; water and crap raining down all around me.\u00a0 I imagined the Bonobos out on public display, foraging and engaging in the testosterone-laden water cooler talk.\u00a0 Their talk, not about female conquests and sports scores, was about the handiwork foisted upon the keepers:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWow Bob, nice work getting it <\/span>into<\/span><\/i> the light fixture\u2014how did you get it <\/span>behind<\/span><\/i> the plastic covering?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHeh, heh, those are the secrets of the master Umbaru.\u00a0 Only the master knows.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u00a0 Well, anyway, that was pretty awesome.\u00a0 Do you think I could take lessons sometime?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe, my friend, maybe\u2026but first, let\u2019s have some sex.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 When I was an intern at a zoo early in my career, we had time to kill on the weekends, so a few of us opted for the resume-boosting \u201cextra assignment\u201d in another area of the zoo.\u00a0 My intern rotations during the week were in the Reptile…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":6,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-244","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/244","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=244"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/244\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":245,"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/244\/revisions\/245"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.314stories.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}